ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
