Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
