I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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