i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
