Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
