I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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