I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
