How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize