i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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