just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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