You can't special order awesome
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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