Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have surprise drugs for everyone
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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