Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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