I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
