Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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