it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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