Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize