She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
