i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
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i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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