Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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