I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
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sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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