wanna go halves on a baby?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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