My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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