What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
