i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
