Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My penis needs a shock collar
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
