If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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