I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
