dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
