The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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