this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
