and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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