And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
