They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
