I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
