I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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