Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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