Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
