My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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