Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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