I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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