yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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