I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize