remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
