She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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