I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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