were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
