So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
