Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
