I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
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My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
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I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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