like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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