I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
