Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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