She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
