I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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