I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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