the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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