Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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