What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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