Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
