Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
