I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
