Im at strip club and am horny
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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