shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
