He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
