She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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