Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize