I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
