only if we run a train.
done.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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