I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
