Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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