Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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