Sry I called you an 8
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
