Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
