Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
