nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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